Agree to find solutions!

Hello beautiful Souls. My message today is... Sometimes the solution is just to agree!

Have you found some folks just like to argue and be controlling? You know, when you are in a conversation and someone needs to just always tell you what to do or critise your response or your choices.

Then there are times when someone asks you your opinion or point of view and then begins to argue with you about your point of view and even goes as far as to name call or point fingers at you in judgement. This distresses “fixers” when you need to fix others or their problems you are setting yourself up for heartache. In this case offer only a suggestion and offer a perspective, not an opinion! If it was me scenario! Not you should do “xyz “…

Practical Options:

You feel why do they ask you if they only want to hear their own point of view? Maybe they just wanted someone to hear them vent. They end up pointing fingers at you. An example of this could be "you are so sensitive" just because they don't know how to deal with your opinion or view and not accepting yours. A great response is to simply agree, "yes I am sensitive" thank you for recognising this, I can be sensitive. Another example "you are so aggressive" A good response " yes I can be aggressive, this happens when I feel very passionate about something and I get very frustrated.

By acknowledging the behaviour that others see in you, you diffuse the argument. It is a good tool to help yourself look at yourself and try and assess if your behaviour is perceived this way. Are you really expressing yourself in a negative light? If you share your reason behind your deemed behaviour with an acknowledgement of your attitude it’s easier to stop someone bullying you or looking for fault in you. Remember there is no wrong or right, simply just different! All perspectives need to be shared and seen and heard.

We also need to be aware that there are often times when people accuse you of the very things they are guilty of or struggling with themselves. In this case it's good to ask them why they are feeling this way about you. Generally when someone passes judgement on you they don't understand why you feel the way you do. They also maybe projecting their own thoughts and emotions onto you.

Confronting and controlling and conflict are the seeds of insecurity and fear. When we feel heard and acknowledged for our point of view it is comforting and encouraging. That’s not to say you have to agree with something that you don’t feel serves you . It just means allowing a pause and a space to really hear someone else’s thoughts. You may even realise that they have a point to change your perspective. We can be so hell bent on arguing we don’t see the other options.