Hello beautiful Souls, My message today is understanding being a fixer!
Why People Develop Fixer mentality:
The desire to "fix" people, or not wanting them to experience pain, usually comes from good intentions and mean well. Their need to step in and help often originates from their own experiences of needing help.
Although fixers are truly kind and compassionate, they also need to feel needed and, in a sense, they're fulfilling a selfish need while helping others. They get a kick out of solving problems, providing solutions, and being rescuers.
On the surface, it's hard to argue with such apparent altruism. After all, acts of kindness and compassion make the world a better place.
Stepping in to help is the right thing to do. And fixers set a great example – up to a point. Beyond that, the boundaries between helping, interfering and controlling start to blur.
The Downside of Fixer mentality:
Also, fixers could set themselves up for failure because of a single universal truth that I call Relationship Rule Number One: you can't change other people!
To be honest, often you can't even change yourself, even though you want to change and you have full control over you! Imagine how difficult it would be to fix another person. Emotions often distort our ability to act calmly.
Trying to fix others can take up a great deal of time, as well as mental, physical and emotional energy.
We're all adults who must learn to take responsibility for our own choices and actions. If you're constantly taking responsibility on behalf of another person to shield them from the consequences, there's no motivation for them to change. While you may think you're doing good, you're not helping their situation.
Fixers often find it difficult to stop wanting to improve a person. It's necessary to learn to accept people as they are, and not as you want them to be.
Learn to know the difference between healing and fixing. By all means help someone heal by providing a safe space, by listening mindfully, by coaching and guiding, but don't try to fix them.
Lastly, work on your healing, and help others heal from your position of wholeness rather than your position of need. The best guide to the mountain top is a person who has already climbed it. Remember often people are not looking for advice when they are distressed. They are fully aware of what they need to do, they simply are feeling unhinged and want someone to listen to them. This is healing. Once they have had a chance to vent and be heard we can offer solutions gently. Mainly what they want to hear is It's going to be OK! I am here for you!
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