As we grow in our relationships we need to ensure that there are places we meet that are enlivening. We get lost in managing the business of our shared lives. That early honeymoon period of passion and excitement seems a far distant memory. The embers of love must be fanned to keep the flame vibrant. Many become very complacent about the importance of nourishing a partnership. They may look to others to retrieve that spark. Kahlil Gibran wisely said, "Let there be spaces in your togetherness". However, we sometimes allow too much space and then feel bewildered by the indifference in our heart. We do better at watering our plants.
When we orient ourselves to the priority of nurturing relationships, we look for opportunities to feed them. Touch is a powerful way to remind a beloved that they matter. This is an essential daily nutrient. While it may be sexually expressed at times, it is necessary to be connected through the endearment of being close. It can be as simple as lovingly placing a hand on a face. It only takes a moment to share the gratitude of one's heart. For some, there is concern that it will lead to sex and they might not always want this outcome. You can create space to lay down holding one another with an agreement to just do that.
While you may already know all of this, the challenge is remembering and mobilizing these intentions. As I have sat with couples for decades I am repeatedly reminded of the impact of allowing the "we" to drift away. Perhaps it is the discovery that the early choice of this partner doesn't reflect who you have become. For others, the trance of "love" obscures the reality that there are large gaps or a complete absence of a shared vision of growing a relationship. The idea of working on a partnership seems like an entirely foreign concept. Hence, going to a therapist together sounds ludicrous to one person.
We must not allow the soil of our hearts to become dry and brittle. There is always the option of sitting down and talking to one another about energizing the relationship. The doors of our heart will remain open when we commit to the daily intention of connecting. If you say, "We have no time". Get a new watch. We find the space to plan our vacations. We can do the same for our relationships. The warmth of our intimacy is found in the moments we are willing to be intimate. Intimacy is not just about physical sex, it is about wanting to understand and make someone else feel embraced for who they are. Intimacy is about recognising the small things that make some else feel valued, loved and treasured. Passing small compliments and acknowledging the strengths and beauty of your partner. Do not allow the candle to cease burning. Keeping the light shining takes a little more work or the candle will simply burn out. Re-ignite this light and let it shine...let it shine.
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