Are you a fixer?

Hello beautiful Souls, My message today is the understanding of being a fixer!

The desire to "fix" people, or not wanting them to experience pain, usually comes from good intentions. People who step in to help often originate this need from their own experiences of needing support.

Although fixers are truly kind and compassionate, they also need to feel needed, and in a sense, they are fulfilling a selfish need while helping others. They get a kick out of solving problems, providing solutions, and being rescuers.

On the surface, it’s hard to argue with such apparent selflessness. After all, acts of kindness and compassion make the world a better place. Stepping in to help is the right thing to do. Remember, that beyond a certain point, the boundaries between helping, interfering, and controlling start to blur.

The downside of being a fixer is that they often set themselves up for failure because of a universal truth: you can't change other people! Trying to fix others consumes a great deal of mental, physical, and emotional energy.

We are all adults who must take responsibility for our own actions. If you constantly take responsibility for another person to shield them from consequences, you remove their motivation to change. You are not truly helping their situation.

Fixers must learn to accept people as they are, not as they want them to be.

Shifting from “Fixer to Listener” is about choosing healing. It is necessary to learn the difference between healing and fixing. Help someone heal by providing a safe space, listening mindfully, and gently guiding, but don't try to fix them.

The most rewarding step is shifting from an exhausted rescuer (the Fixer Role) to a supportive guide (the Listener Role).

When you listen, your goal is to provide a safe, non-judgmental space for processing, not to solve the problem.

Your core belief should be: "You have the answers within you; I am here to witness." Instead of interrupting with advice, your powerful response is validation: "I can hear how much stress that is causing you. That must be incredibly frustrating."

Work on your own healing, and help others from a position of wholeness rather than need. People are often not looking for advice when distressed. They know what they need to do; they simply need to be heard and supported. This is healing.

What they truly want to hear is: "It's going to be OK! I am here for you!"

By making the shift from fixing to listening, you move from bearing their burden to standing beside them.

We can agree with a decision that someone suggests and can support their choice. We can rather give our view from observation instead of judgement. We can present options and perspectives, yet ultimately the person must decide for themselves.