Recognizing Distortion and generalization

Hello beautiful Souls. My message today is about recognizing distortion and generalization.

When there is distortion in conversation— which is a breakdown where the original intended meaning of a message is replaced by a different interpretation upon delivery or reception.

This commonly happens because we project our emotions and feelings instead of focusing on the actual issue or challenge.

We all engage in distortion, whether through exaggeration, blowing things out of proportion, assumptions or jumping to negative conclusions.

When we find ourselves speaking from this place, we must pause and ask: "Is this the truth, or is it a distortion?" Increasing this awareness is key to achieving a better understanding of reality.

To reduce conflict (like saying, "That's not what I meant!") and address distortion, we must learn to ask clarifying questions. The key is to avoid the word "Why?"

• "Why?" often solicits a justification that can sound defensive and reinforce the distortion.

• Instead, use "How," "What," "Where," or "When." These questions focus on the process, circumstance, and specific experience, inviting the speaker to unpack the true context.

Consider this distorted statement: "I hate cabbage, it makes me want to vomit all over the floor."

Instead of asking "Why do you hate cabbage?", we use the clarifying questions to find the root:

• What makes you hate cabbage and feel nauseous? (Focuses on the mechanism or content.)

• When did you realize you hated cabbage and it made you feel nauseous? (Focuses on the time or history.)

• How did you come to hate cabbage and realize it made you nauseous? (Focuses on the process or pathway to the feeling.)

• Where did you discover you hate cabbage and that it made you nauseous? (Focuses on the location or setting.)

By applying this technique, we move beyond the emotional projection and gain the necessary clarity to understand what was truly meant.

A common scenario where people use exaggeration (like "You always do this!") and practice forming non-"Why" questions to clarify the underlying issue?

Do you really “always” do this ? Do you frequently do this? Do you often do this? Are more true questions!

These tools help to improving communication!